My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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