I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
