Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
