Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize