after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
