How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize