why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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