Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
