Three words: puerto rican gang bang
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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