i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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