I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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