I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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