Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
