You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
