Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
