I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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