I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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