The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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