Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
