I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
