can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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