Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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