there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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