She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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