I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
