Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize