There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
