Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
