wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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