i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
