I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
