Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just shotgunned beers for America
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize