This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
