I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
