you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
