had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
