even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
