im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
