What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
