I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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