Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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