The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
