remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
are you so shy because you have an std?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
