dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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