got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
