Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
