apparently the secret to your success is patron
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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