i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
