the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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