Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
