I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
