You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize