her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
