I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
