If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
