I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
