I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
