One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
