Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
