I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
