you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
