your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
