Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
