Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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