Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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