youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
