You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
