You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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