Where did you get a picture of my penis
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
