I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
