cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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