I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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