Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
