You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
