Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
