until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
