I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize