So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
