Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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