Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize