He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
