I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
