I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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