thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
