Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
