So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
