mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We need to get me chipped asap
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
