She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's even glitter on my cock...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
