when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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