i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
