Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize