She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
