Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
