everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
