I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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