I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
