Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
