so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
