we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
