I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
