im having a threesome with these popsicles
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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