The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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