thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
