Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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