I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didn't notice because vodka
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
