Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
