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i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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