The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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