I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
