I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
