Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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