I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
