I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
