i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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