I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
