ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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