I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
